Who am I before

Once you become a Christian hindi ibig sabihin na ok na ang lahat. There's more to it... 

By: Dexter Subejano-Galambao

I was born in a Christian family with a very God fearing parents. I have two brothers and one sister. We grew up being actively involved in the church and church activities aside from having daily family devotion. I would say that I was reared up in a Godly manner since childhood. I graduated my high school and college and immediately landed a job. Life during these years seemed normal with joys and successes and at times navigating with problems and confusions. Christianity seemingly is just a normal thing to do. Attending church every Sunday, prayer meeting every Wednesday, practicing praise and worship every Saturday. These activities becomes routine to me that slowly began to lead to boredom and ultimately fades. Then, I began to lead my life my own way. As a young professional, I was  living my own life, managing my own time and schedule, prays sometimes, ask guidance sometimes. Go out with friends, busy with activities all time. Many times I made wrong decisions and suffered consequences, at times I struggled to rise after falls, began a restored life with Christ but after few months, failed again then slowly fades again. Ten attempts of rise and fall maybe is just a very minimal to count. Then I got married with this kind of Christian living –lukewarm should I say.

Ten years after, God shook my marriage that almost breaks us apart. Inside me I was cracking, breaking and bleeding. I find it hard to understand. Problems piled up including marital, financial, sexual, hurts, anger, furious at people who have hurt me, unforgiveness,  ungrateful, unloving attitude because of the past that I don’t know how to free myself from all of these bondage. I messed up real big. My self- image and self- esteem was shattered, even pride was lost.  I have no one to turned to. Families and friends are there to comfort but cannot solve my problems. It made the life heavier knowing no one can help me. To the point that I thought of taking up my life. I carefully planned my suicide  for many months that no one could recognize and seize.

One day, I was brought to my knees. I recognized and acknowledged that there is no one to help me but God alone. I was humbled.  It was then that I surrendered my ALL to Him. All  that I have and all that I am, I gave to Him. The past, the present and the future, I surrendered all to Him. Then, I walked my life with my God hand in hand one day at a time. He made me loving, forgiving and grateful again. He restored my marriage and family. He made me smile and laugh again enjoying His blessings daily. He gave me peace and joy in the family,  and  peace of mind that only He can give. To God be the glory!